I miss Perth. It isn't so much the place that I miss, nor the people that were with me that I miss, but I miss the state I was in when I was in Perth. I remember waiting for the sister by the river with a book and Bruno Merz singing in my ears. At that moment I thought this is the epitome of chill. I didn't worry about uni, I didn't worry about people, I didn't worry at all. I miss watching the waters, it's difficult to catch that here. I often go to The Esplanade, Fullerton (my favourite dungeon), Raffles Place, West Coast, but the waters are different. They are not blue. They do not move gracefully. They do not bring the breeze. But even if I were to go back to Perth today, my state of mind would be different. We all miss something, someone, sometime in life where we felt a particular way. Why are we drawn to nostalgia? We seek the same feelings we had in the past, knowing that we should be moving forward. We always look back, trying to return to the same state, when there could be something more beautiful ahead of us. We fear the unknown, don't we? Sometimes I still think of the amazing moments I had when I was at GMC. Where the worship broke me down in tears, the messages turned my life around, the people took me out from a bad place. But we are reminded time and again to not look for experiences, or feelings, or emotions. There will always be times where we feel we have grown apart from God, that we have lost the fire we once had. But we should never look back and find the same feeling we had. We should always run forward, run towards God, and let Him give us new experiences. They may not come in the form of tears during worship, or that rush of blood to your head, but our faith isn't based on experiences and feelings alone. Faith is having the obedience to do what is right in God, despite wanting to do the other. Faith is preparing for bible study and worship despite going through a bad week. Faith is persevering in our walk with God, seeking Him, and praying even when we feel like nothing is happening. If all the feelings in the world were in our favour and we always had that fire, then faith and discipline would mean nothing. Faith is knowing that God will never leave us nor forsake us, that He is with us when we don't seem to hear him, that He loves and cares for us. When the feelings are gone, go back to the word. Because God is with us whether we feel it or not. Faith is the conscious decision to trust in our God when everything seems to fall apart and we feel like we can't even get out of bed in the morning.
I always fought the thought that I had to get my act together before I could come before God to serve Him. But He always reminds me of this: I have to come before God and let Him take over before I can get my act together. We like to think that we should settle our issues before we can return to God, but God wants us to return to Him so He can settle our issues in His way, in His time. This, is the most perfect way and His plans will always trump ours.
Jeremiah 29:11-13
For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will hear you. You will seek me and find me, when you seek me with all your heart.
Jeremiah 29:11-13
For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will hear you. You will seek me and find me, when you seek me with all your heart.