I don't fix things. If something's broken, I throw it out. If a friend is dead to me, I cut him off. It is easy. And it doesn't hurt. You know what hurts? Fixing things. Getting your hands dirty, your feet muddy, your heart strained and torn. But sometimes you can't cut someone off because you belong in the same circle. So what do you do? You cut yourself off. You disappear. I can forgive, and I do forgive, but I don't believe in reconciliation. I know it's not biblical, and I probably have to deal with this at some point. But now is not the time. It's much easier, much simpler, much neater to cut somebody off, to trim the edges of your social circle so you are comfortable. It seems self-indulgent and selfish, but you do whatever it takes to protect yourself. I sleep better at night with a smaller circle. I'm quite tired of people, the ones that you open up to or the ones that you grow intimate with. They hold a piece of you and take it away when they leave, or when you decide they have to leave. I always say I'm done with it, but I never really internalise it. I'm done with it. Teach me how to disappear completely, and I will go. Even if my circle is a speck, at least I am not fractured in a bigger world, at least I am not hurting in a larger space, at least I am whole.