After months in limbo, yesterday at COGY I blurted: I NEED MY LIFE TO MOVE ON. Felt good saying that, especially in front of so many friends. Accountability is important. Rambling on and on, I blurted: I NEED TO STOP SAYING "NO". So that day I had veggie-and-chili-filled popiah. On the train ride home (thank God for Ludfil and Akif, the only people who live in my part of Singapore) Ludfil casually said, "Why don't you just try it." So yeah. Why don't I just try it. I'm that boy in It's Kind of a Funny Story who feels that everyone is moving on with life just fine while I'm stunted. But I know that things are not as bad as I imagine them to be. Alex told us after we left SMSS, "The world is not a scary place, not like what you imagine." And I've been living in fear for so long. Fearing nothing but fear itself is enough to consume my body. And God has been dropping me reminders for so long to surrender. Grand, how grand, when Waichan's message was about letting go of all these fears. Let Go, Let God.
Had dinner with ah Loke, Fanny, and Edwin tonight and of course we talked about uni again. Hannah Loke, my only sampan mate, and I have been stuck in limbo for so long and it's amazing how similar our situations are. Uni-anxiety wise. But tonight we finally hit a conclusion, half of a conclusion, but still. I told COGY the next time I see them I'll have an update on my life. Be it an internship, or a uni app, or even driving... I'll have an update because I need to move on with life. My third BTT is coming up next week. How lame am I to book 3 tests. I missed the first two because of interviews for journ. May this BTT be a successful one.
I thank God for all these people, my brothers and sisters. Thank God for His patience and grace and reminders through people. God always works through people. I hope for discernment and courage. I really want to study Sociology, but parts of me want Criminology and even Bible Studies. As long as I don't accept or reject any offers yet, all the doors are still open, right? Bleh. What is the use of having three open doors when you don't want to walk through any of them and you're just staring at them till they slowly close? An update. Soon.