It feels like the greatest ideas or the most mind blowing revelations come to us in the shower. We brainstorm in our heads and form structures and finally string our messy thoughts into words. And then we leave the shower and we forget all that we've thought about, or we lose the kind of ability to have such revelations through the day. There's something therapeutic about having water run down your face, but it's more than that. When we're in the shower, we are finally alone. We are finally away from our books, our shows, our phones, our music. We are in the quiet and we can rest. Truth is, we are hardly alone anymore. We always have some kind of company to fill the voids and silences. The bulk of our conscious time we spend with others in conversation, or we watch some shows so religiously that we can't stop slipping their scripts into our daily speech (21 Jump Street hello jeska), or we read. And when we're without human company we always have music playing or the telly in the background or some sort of noise to fill up that empty space. Most of the time we like to put them all together don't we? We listen to music when we read, we constantly check twitter when we're out with our friends, and with the tumblr app every gap in our day is filled up with reblogging stuff. So in the shower, we have none of that. What we have are words and ideas we pick up from all that stuff above. We take in a lot when we watch and listen and read. But when it is quiet, we realise we've filtered and compartmentalised certain things and these are the things that really hit home. We take these things out from the drawers in our mind and we start to play with these ideas and form them into real convictions.
I guess it might be good to keep ourself distracted most of the time. Our little 12am or 2am self-reflection aka vulnerable and emotional time have already stirred us up so much. Imagine having so much quiet all the time. We'd just spiral into depression. So maybe noise is good after all. And I'm saying all this because as thabez and I agreed, talking about the things that are eating us is one of the most tiresome things to do. Because even after that long shower, that 2am period, where you reach the place where you can properly articulate your thoughts, there's no point in talking to another person about it. There's just no point. What do you expect from the talk? There is no solution, it doesn't really feel better to know someone else knows what's going on in your head. Yet you feel this internal struggle inside you, some kind of poison you wish to release from your body.
So you wind up talking about how difficult it is to talk or not talk about it and this adds another burden. Ah, like Cal said. "If you're being honest - why not say you are enjoying this beating you're giving yourself." Crazy, we are quite crazy. I am quite crazy. I think it runs in the blood. I may implode. Goonai.
By the way I love Cal I love him to bits I want to cradle him in my arms and sing him a lullaby why does everyone favour Aron even his crazy mother favours Aron he is just a self-righteous brat so can we please give Cal the love he needs EAST OF EDEN IS TEARING ME APART.