Went back to school for my first paper today. It was so intense. Because of some miscommunication I got discharged really really late last night. Left the hospital at 10.30pm, but thank God my house is 5 minutes away. So, I completely did not prepare for Warren's paper at all. Thank God the first paper's in the afternoon so I had time in the morning to settle administrative matters with the school and some time to study. NIE has been nothing short of supportive this whole time and everyone's rushing to help me customise my academic plan for Y3 or Y2.5. They're giving me options, giving me advice, and even the formidable TEG is showing me so much compassion I got a shock (because I always make noise to get the courses I want and the last time we met I sumpah he was raging inside).
Warren's paper was so bleak. So bleak. This was the first time that I didn't have any options when it came to questions. Picking three out of five, there were three questions I knew I had no way of answering well. So I'm basically counting on my two questions. But even so, I felt so tired I almost gave up writing. The ideas were all in my head but, you know how you just have no energy to organise your thoughts and put it into words? Anyway, I also collected two English assignments today, both of which the grade was satisfactory. Usually an excellent English grade would never make up for the disappointment from a mediocre effort/result from Literature. If I had a solid A+ in English but a B in Literature I would be so sad for the entire day. But today I'm all, heck it. The paper didn't go so well but at least I'm solid for English. THIS IS CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT FOR ME OK, counting my gains not losses when it comes to academics.
And the friends have been nothing short of sweet and so loving. Other than having Fir run my errands and print my stuff, the girls actually waited for me to complete my paper (half hour time extension courtesy of NUH and NIE lol) because they wanted to protect me. I was complaining about how the insertion I had done yesterday hurt and how I was afraid of anyone hitting me and having it bleed (I'm quite violent la so hitting is part and parcel of the everyday). So they actually waited about an hour for me just to make sure I would be okay. How sweet is that? Tomorrow's paper 9am leh. Church fam also spammed me well wishes before my paper. Too much love, saturated already. I give you some, come.
Oh, the insertion.
The reason my discharge kept getting delayed was because the medicalship was trying to accommodate to MY plans, my stupid selfish "I must sit for exams" plans, so they managed to squeeze me in yesterday afternoon for my insertion. So they put this ring-like tube thing under my skin under my collarbone, so that future treatment/injections can go through there and I wouldn't have to keep getting new injections. HURT LIKE HELL. Ok, it didn't hurt. But I guess unlike everything else I didn't really have time to process that I was going for the insertion that soon. All they had planned for that day was a PET scan. So when I was being wheeled to the ops table I was freaking out. It's so foreign and quick and I NEED TIME TO PROCESS INFORMATION. So they injected anaesthetic under my collarbone so many times and every time the doctor injected I cried like a mother.
LIFE LESSON: To avoid future and more severe pain, you must tahan a little bit of pain. It feels like a lot because it stings like a mothership, but when you compare it to the future, it is the easier way out. XIAN KU HOU TIAN.
And I'm such a visual person that when they were stitching me up, that's all I could see in my head. I thought of all the movies where people got stitched up, when Sam and Dean stitched themselves up, and I flipped. Cry lor. Cry like siao. Not because pain but because I was just freaking out. When I got back my doctors were all so shocked they didn't know how to talk to me because the whole week I was in the hospital I didn't shed one tear.
So yupp. I have a thing under my collarbone now. Why would ANYONE want to go through body mutilations to have things under their skin? It's so uncomfortable and the discomfort is so not worth the aesthetic pleasure. To me, at least.
Pragmatics tomorrow. I really should be studying but I'm watching Mulan.
Warren's grade, buang. Sua.