The person you end up with will not look the same forever. People grow old, they grow fat, they lose hair, they change in appearance in so many ways. A lot of people I know claim not to be shallow and are even offended at the question, "would you still love him even when he becomes old and fat and boring", and they answer with a resounding "YES OF COURSE". I'm not judging, ok maybe I am a little, but I've seen how the appearance of people can wreck a marriage. It's not just about the looks. It boils down to how much they don't bother about taking care of themselves, how comfortable they get until they don't make an effort, how they give up on keeping fit or looking decent just because they can come home and slouch on the couch and only lift their finger to change the channel on the remote control. I'm not saying that married couples focus a lot or not at all on the appearance of their partners, but I'm saying don't be too quick nor too confident in how you will behave in the future. It's just scary, how we sometimes set up criteria for who we want in our lives. How long-term are we?
The person you end up with will not look the same forever. So let's be real. Looks play the smallest role in what is attractive. You will not come home to the same face you fell in love with. But, hopefully, you will come home to the same mind you fell in love with. Imagine coming home after a long day at work and all you want is to have an easy conversation, those are the best kinds, aren't they? It's not that you finish each other's sentences but you don't even have to complete them. You are on the same wave. In our twenties (woah woah woah twenties already so step) a heartbreak can be amplified to proportions that do not make sense. Triggers litter your everyday until you have to consciously decide to not acknowledge them. It's insane how heartbreaks can take a longer time than the span of the relationship to heal. It's the nights, the quiet, where you start to miss company. But that's just it. You are missing a habit. A go-to person. Some sort of comfort. But you know rationally that it is not the right thing. It felt good, but it didn't seem to fit.
When you begin to think with your head and not your oh so vacant heart, you start to look back and see things as they were, not how they made you feel. There are signs: Somehow at the back of your head you are always wondering if this is the right thing or not. You never really lift both feet off the ground to commit because you know if you do, and it doesn't work out, you would be devastated. And that's because you know somewhere inside your head that this would not work out in the end. With all the joy and ecstasy also comes a tonne of worry and insecurity and doubt. And soon you realise it's more tiring to be with whoever you're with than to be alone. It's tiring to constantly wonder what the other person is thinking because you cannot communicate as openly or freely. When you have to PR your way through the night walking on eggshells it's a sure red light that it is not going to work out. You shouldn't have to be so careful around the one you love all the time. You shouldn't have to hide your thoughts or your worries. Isn't the person you love supposed to be the one you go to, isn't that supposed to be your go-to person? That you can freely unleash all your thoughts without fearing you be judged, or that they might look at you differently. That is comfort.
Comfort does not come in the form of them lying next to you in bed keeping you warm. It does not come in the form of a cold beer at the end of a busy week knowing you have company over the weekend. It does not come in the form of knowing you have someone to stick by you all through your life. Comfort comes in the form of being able to be completely free, no-guilt, easy conversations. It comes in the form of knowing your go-to person gets you and sees the world the way you do. It comes in the form of knowing you can be brutally honest with each other and know that everything that is said is not out of PR or decency but of love.
It does not make sense to spend your life with someone who makes you PR your way through life. And as much as you miss airy fairy talks on the phone at 3 in the morning or someone to sit with you by the river talking about dreams or having someone watch bad movies with you when no one else would, if they make you worry about being honest, and if you have to guess what's on their mind, and if they just don't understand the things you are passionate about and look at you like you're crazy because who the heck cares about boring books or music with no lyrics or how there might be a chance there are aliens out there in the universe, then they don't get you. How can you be with someone you cannot share your thoughts and passions with.
Maybe I'm being idealistic. But you can only follow your heart so far until you wake up from your honeymoon period and realise, damn this does not fit.
But that doesn't mean you're not allowed to miss the one you lost.
Burn your bridges. Sometimes you need to not have that option exist anymore.
Don't open doors you took forever to close.
Good night, love. It's breakup season for so many of my friends but what the hell, we're only 18 we've got a long way to go. And no matter what, we're always in this together <3 shake it off. (10 points for TaySwift ref pls).