You fall in and out of sleep, watching the ceiling fan spin, you're so tired you forget that it was your childhood fear that ceiling fans would fall and kill you. But where you're lying now feels just the same, feels like you are waiting to die. Your body is a dumbbell and the stiff bed suffocates you with its heat, your own body heat. You can't leave, you can't move, you can't even lift your head up without fearing the stitches tear open. So you sleep. You sleep and hope in quiet desperation that time would pass quicker and you would be restored. In your dreams you are somewhere else, you are light and free. You feel the cool air on your skin, you see the sun, you touch the sea. You praise the God you've been praying to for releasing you from your prison. Like all movies, you hear something from a distance, and that something is the real world. That jolts you awake. You look at the clock. It's only been ten minutes since you fell asleep. You are frustrated but you are absolutely helpless. So you stare at the ceiling fan imagining scenarios where it comes crashing down and crushes you. You fall asleep again. One day when you fall asleep, you will feel light and free again, and you will be that way forever. Until then you make the most of your time outside of sleep. You live.