When you are not conventionally attractive, you become an outsider. You watch the world engage within itself in a fishbowl and you sit and try to make sense of it all. As a third person, you watch the world objectively. You question decisions made. You see things from all sides. You form theories to understand human behaviour. And soon, you begin to let these theories materialise in the way you treat other people. But you forget. As much as you place this world in a fishbowl, distant from you, separated by glass, you are in an aquarium of other outsiders looking into their own fishbowls. And you realise. Everyone believes they are the outsider. Everyone believes there is one fishbowl and one observer. But the truth is, we are all in this messed up aquarium trying to make sense of it all. We find comfort in knowing we are alone. It is when we realise we are not much different from the rest that we start to worry because we do not like what we see. This is what I believe. But I look around to find no such aquarium yet. I look around to find no glass above or below me, no reflection staring back at me. I see life in this fishbowl and none surrounding me.
I might have caught a glimpse of a reflection today. An image of another projected on the bowl from the outside. Could it be that there is another staring into this very same bowl with me? That there is another who sees things the way I do? It might be my eyes playing tricks on me. Or a man inside the bowl masquerading himself as an outsider. May I meet the eyes that look through this same bowl of glass one day. May I. It is round after all. How can you be on the same side when there is none. There can only be chasing of tails.
I am not a special snowflake and it is summer all-year round.