I love you, but only in your absence. I realise this is applicable to a number of people in my life. When we are together, we suffocate each other and we want to kill ourselves just to be away from the other. But in absence, in silence, in calmness, we love each other very dearly. Why have we gotten used to distance so much that being together drives us literally insane. I don't want a home like that, but I am so used to it. Creatures of habit struggle to accept new realities. Self-fulfilling prophecies will be the death of me. I expect you to react a certain way, and so you do. Even if you didn't intend to, I drive you up the wall until you give me the expected reaction. This is a vicious cycle caused by my very own doing. I love you fiercely, but in your absence. I always tell my friends to never mistake loving someone when all they love is the idea of the person. But in this circle, the idea of you irks me and pulls me back to a well of hatred. But you, you as a human being in essence, I don't really hate. I really wish we could fix this but I don't know how and I am exhausted. So let's just keep our distance. And maintain peace. Even if our hearts are unsettled and afraid.