I always look forward to posting good news on this blog. But every visit to the doctor's office leaves me feeling super discouraged and angry. It's not good news. Again. My cancer marker doubled so I've got to begin the whole six cycles of chemo this week. I'm so frustrated with the whole thing. When is it going to end. I keep imagining how this would end, I keep imagining what miracles God would shower upon me. But I get disappointed and disheartened over and over again. Maybe I should stop trying to guess how God works and just go with it with faith and peace. Trying all I can to keep why me at bay, swallowing my feelings and my tears, wondering who in the world I can purge all these feelings to. Feel so needy and pathetic. I know I will reboot and be up again. But for now it's just another low. It's been nine months. I don't want to have to deal with this for years. Please let me be free from cancer. Whether in death or in healing. Let me be free.