I was feeling really down so Fred and I went to Cat Cafe Neko no Niwa at Boat Quay to play with our feline friends and feel better about ourselves. The entire place was so quiet, clean, and the natural lighting really brightened up the room. It was cooling, with books every where, and really vibrant cushions in the shape of fruits! Would totally like to go back there, it felt so nice. I sat there with Murakami in my hands, day dreaming about what it's like to be a cat. You sleep all day, eat when you wake, and you laze around as you wish. That is if someone actually takes you home. Must be nice to be a cat. I often wonder what it's like to be animals, it can be quite therapeutic to think like that. That's why I love whales so much. Imagine being in the ocean all the time, with all that space and freedom, with all that life going on around you.
I can't believe I allowed myself to spiral so madly out of control. I never felt so sad before. It lasted for a little more than a week, this mini melt down. Cried my eyes out over what seemed like the end of my world. It's not that the reality of cancer hit me late, it's just that, I got lazy, and tired, and complacent. It was a week of rash decisions, manja-ness to the extent I don't even know what I was doing, and a hell lot of money spent. Even today as I was getting ready for church, or throughout the entire day even, I feel like I'm wearing someone else's skin. I feel like I'm wearing a heavy, old, wrinkly skin that weighs down my whole skeleton. I can't lift my legs or lift my head, all I want to do is roll around like a cat. I never felt so needy before. I want hugs, like major big ass hugs. But it's time to clear shit up, and get back on my feet. Moping around does no good for anyone, especially not myself. I still want to quit chemo, and I'm quite serious about it. But I won't feel all sorry for myself anymore. Friends, thank you for bearing with me these few days. I know I've been a real pain in the ass. Thanks for your love. Let's go get cats. Or better yet, let's go be cats.