I look down at the 20cm scar that cuts down my stomach, the two scars at the sides of my body, and the scar where they inserted my portacath. I forgot. I forgot about pain. I forgot how I could not sit up, walk, cough, or breathe. I forgot how I laid in bed in the hospital, lying in my own sweat because I couldn't move to turn to the side. I forgot how I had to have nurses younger than myself shower me in the hospital because I was unable to lift up my hands. I forgot how I had two pumps stuck to the side of my body to collect the fluid post-surgery. I forgot how fearful I was that I'd be stuck with a stoma bag, and how God gave me a way out and I didn't need it. I forgot it all.
As a result, I became complacent. I didn't take care of my body as I should've, I didn't treat myself right, I didn't make sure I would never need to go through all that pain again. And now that I remember, I better change before I have to go for another surgery. I better make use of this new life, this chance. I better treasure it all and stay far away from that state.
We must remember pain, lest we fall back in. As much as we should move past the trauma so we can sleep well in the night, we must never forget surviving the pain and emerging victorious. When we forget, we make the same mistakes that will lead us back to that awful state. When we forget, we are ungrateful. When we forget, it's easy to be bitter again. We must remember the suffering so we can enjoy the triumph. We must remember the suffering so we can be grateful. We must remember the suffering so we will remain victorious.
It's the same for heartaches. Never open doors that have been closed, they are closed for a reason. When we forget the hurt we've been through, it is easy to walk back into the chaos. All efforts to bring us out would be in vain. If we are going to suffer, make it worth it. Make the lessons count.
Life must not be the same after a traumatic incident, after surgery, after getting hurt. If we don't change, how would we expect our situation to change? If we don't change, how can we expect a different result? The same procedure will lead to the same outcome. To achieve something we've never had, we must do something we've never done.
We must remember pain, lest we go through it again.