There comes a point in time where you get frustrated with what is and what is not. Then you decide to define yourself and the rest of your life, and you make every decision and shape every thought to suit that definition. It can be 27 dogs, accepting your inadequacy, or choosing to shut the world out. You define and decide and you think it's the best. But God isn't done with you yet. Every time I feel hopeless, I remember hiding in the car after service, reading my Chinese newspaper while the sister and the folks mingled with their church friends. I always go back to that memory because it was my loneliest, most pathetic days. Hiding in the car for almost 2 years and playing sick to skip church because I didn't know how to talk to people and I was certain nobody liked me. And now I see, the people I love the most is cogy. The family closest to me is cogy. It never hits you until you look back. God isn't done with you yet.