For the longest time I've raved about Iceland and swimming with whales and watching Radiohead live before I die. And when people talk about what they wanna do before they die, they always talk about travelling, to see the world, to experience it all. But honestly all I want to do now is stay in bed with the people I love, watch movies and laugh, eat everything and be lazy couch potatoes. I want a lifetime's worth of human experiences packed into three years, to go, please. But I don't want to see the world, I don't want to empty a tower, I don't want to party and go crazy. I want stillness, I want comfort, I want peace. I want to hug the ones I love and tell them how much I love them. I want to take a two hour bus ride to the east to spend time with them. I want to protect them from anything that might hurt them. I want my life to count for something. I don't want to do things for myself before I die, because what good would that bring? When you die, you die. That's it. But when you die, what matters is the people you leave behind. It sounds so sadistic but I really want to die only after my ahma has, because how cruel would it be to have her attend her granddaughter's funeral. I'm not saying that I'm going to die soon. I still believe and trust that God doesn't want me to die yet. But I'm just thinking about the whole issue of death and how you should live your life. Even if I go soon, never having a chance to get my own house, to fall in love, to have kids, to have the family I've always dreamed about, to raise my kids right, to have boardgames night, to go through life as an ordinary boring Singaporean adult, it's ok. I guess it's ok. Everyone is always talking about living life intentionally, to be exciting, to be adventurous. Everyone hates the ordinary, the mundane, packing food from the hawker centre after their 9-5 office job. But what is wrong with that? What is wrong with the ordinary if you are happy? My friend once told me my dreams aren't big enough. Now my dream is to be with the ones I love for as long as I can. My dream is to bring joy to those around me if I can. My dream is to live as ordinary and as long as I can. Is that not a big enough dream? Maybe compared to those flying around the world climbing mountains swimming in oceans it isn't. But to me it is. And an ordinary life is better than Iceland.