If you're friends with me you've probably heard me telling stories from my epic dreams. They are always vivid and super exciting. Sometimes they feel like a bad trip but all is well when I wake up and stare at the corners of my room, comforted by walls and ceiling knowing I didn't actually burn shit up or fight demons. My favourite dreams involve me having zero control over my body knowing that I might not live. Once was when a tornado tore up the whole place and I was holding on to a table nailed to the floor. I decided to let go of the table and all the time when I was rising up to the sky I kept praying in my heart. Another was when I was skateboarding (it was so clear that it was a dream because my balance is just, no you will never find me on a skateboard) and there was this mega high ram that pushed me up into the sky. My board fell and I was free falling from exceptional heights. I could feel my whole body tense up at first, and then I saw clear blue waters below. I knew there was a chance I'd hit some rocks and bleed to death but I decided to relax and let go. My insides felt like they were dancing and while everything was uncertain I felt an overwhelming sense of peace.
Is that what faith is? When you lose control of everything including your environment your body your life, but you allow yourself to relax and free fall. Not believing that you wouldn't die, but accepting that whatever happens, you'll be ok with it. Whether it's free falling into the unknown or letting go of everything holding you back and releasing yourself into nothingness, you are relaxed and you are free.
We fear what we have no control over, and we fear what we don't know.
But if we know who holds our future, our life, our souls, what more should we fear?
Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for You are with me; Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.
Psalms 24:3
And if all works out well, hopefully we can say, like what Gregg Araki wrote in Mysterious Skin:
I wish with all my heart that we could just leave this world behind, rise like two angels in the night and magically... Disappear.