Yes, I am aware that boys get pressured to be masculine too and that those who don't fit into the box also struggle. But hey ayam a girl so if you want that kind of story look for another blogger.
On the flip side, I get really mad when girls say shit like, "I'm not like the other girls". What they mean is, "I am not clingy, I am not manja, I am not gossipy, I am not vain/materialistic". I get really mad when girls go against each other to seem superior than the other, instead of having each other's back. I get really mad when girls hurt each other to win the affections of a boy. But then I remember that I was like that too before growing up gave me the experiences I needed to learn these lessons. When you grow up in an environment that portrays boys to be superior than girls, when movies and magazines continue to reinforce this idea, when the older folks forbid you to do certain things because you are a girl, you begin to hate being a girl. You begin to view your gender as the weaker one, and you try all you can to disassociate yourself from your gender. This is how girls begin to hate other girls. You either feel that they are embarrassing the whole group, or you feel angry that they can be so happy in their girly state while you feel the pressure to toughen up and be like one of the boys to show your worth. Instead of making friends and having each other's back, we begin to compete, we envy, we create barriers for ourselves because are afraid of being associated with a stereotype. And even when you feel like you are "one of the boys", there are so many things that a company of girls can provide that boys can never comprehend (seriously, I made a period joke and my guy friend totally freaked out. what do you think happens every month, we don't bleed flowers). It must be so lonely hating on other girls.
I'm sorry, did I miss induction day when they taught us how to be girls?
There is no template. Some girls are girly, some are tomboys, some are chatty, some are quiet, some are skinny, some are fat. You know that template that we see in the media all the time? That is nothing but a trend and trends change. It's dangerous when society treats girls' bodies the way they treat fashion trends. You might think it's harmless to say that this season's trend is skinny jeans, the next trend is high-wasted jeans, the next is ripped jeans. But if you see the deep effect it has on girls, you will realise how toxic trends are. Sometimes girls begin to pick and cut and sew themselves up, just to keep up with what is acceptable. Sometimes they begin to hate themselves because they feel like oddballs, because they don't fit in, because they are other-ed. Why is calling somebody fat an insult? I must admit that I am still very affected by the word (I TAF club my entire primary school life so supa sensitive hahahaha). But when I actually think about it, it is so strange. "Fat" is just a description. It's like saying, "HA-HA THIS GIRL HAS SHORT HAIR". But trends make us detest the word "fat" and it begins to carry a weight of guilt, embarrassment, inferiority. Because trends tell us to be attractive is to be slender, "fat" becomes unacceptable. And because girls are constantly being objectified, who cares if you are humorous or intelligent or kind. Your role in society is to be good-looking. This is so evident in the way the media is celebrating Caitlyn Jenner. Jon Steward wastes no time calling out the media on how sexist the industry is.
Our patriarchal society is the perfect environment for girls to hate themselves and other girls. If the only value of a girl's worth is her physical appearance, and how attractive her appearance is is based on a trend that fluctuates so radically, how is she ever supposed to accept who she is? How do you accept yourself when your environment keeps telling you to change?
This sounds so lame but this is honestly the reason I decided to become a teacher. I don't know what I'm going to do and how I'm going to do it, but I just want to send the message that girls should not be competing against each other (unless you're in some competition like sports or SYF ya dig). It's hard enough to be in a society where females have to struggle to be as respected as males, and we can't accomplish shit if keep fighting each other or fighting ourselves.
I used to hate femininity because I thought it was advocating the stereotype that girls were weaker than boys. Then I started hating myself because I was constantly told I shouldn't be so rough or aggressive, and the boys were absolutely crude and disgusting around me but perfect gentlemen around other girls. Then I realised that there was no template for being a girl and that we were all individuals, raised by different circumstances, with different wiring and personalities. Strip away gender, we are all unique individuals (cue you're not a special snowflake cliche). But we are, aren't we? There is no other person on earth like you. Nobody who has your DNA+personality+character+belief system. We should be taking pride in our individuality and the individuality of others. Maybe then we can stop competing, get to know each other, and be like a badass society that is so kind to one another.
I wanted to end this post with how I am not feminine and might never be. But then I went to look up the meaning of femininity. The dictionary literally says, "womanish". Simi si womanish. Even if being feminine meant being gentle, I cannot say that I am not feminine (even though I am damn violent) because I am gentle to my baby nieces, to my beloved ahma, to pets. I cannot say I am not frivolous because have you seen the way I shop or the nonsense I spew with my friends. I cannot say I am not vain because if you've seen my snaps I think more than half of them are selfies. I cannot say anything at all. I cannot even say I'm not girly because what is girly??? This is why I can't sleep at night because I just go round in circles and confuse myself in the end. I cannot say anything at all, but I can say that we should destroy all pigeonholes. You are more than one type of anything. You don't have to subscribe to any labels at all (cue Norah from Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist rolling her eyes at that phrase). Sometimes we are so eager to identify ourselves that we force ourselves into a small box. We don't have to slap on any labels. We don't even have to know what kind of person we are yet. We are constantly changing due to our experiences, and if we only accept one version of ourselves we will end up feeling betrayed by ourselves.
Allow for room to change.
Allow for new experiences.
Allow new people into your life and see how amazing humans can be.
Aka don't be too quick to judge yourself/others.
Of course there be some really mean awful humans in the world like please don't fall victim Hannibal Lecter I will be quite sad. Be smart too ya. Ok bye.
Also I am totes not educated on feminism (other than ONE class in ONE module -.-) and if you want like academic legit shit on this topic go look for the other abidin. Just google Crystal Abidin because this girl has so many blogs I can't even keep up anymore. Ok bye.