sampans: 二零一五

Photo-heavy post. I'm a sucker for traditions, so watchnight was a definite must even though my skin was possibly at its worst and my scalp too. But I love my babis more than my vanity so yay watchnight! I guess everyone's reflective and talking about how 2014 was for them, but I've been talking about 2014 so much. It's easily been the best and the worst year.

Whatever happened, to God be the glory. He has been so faithful towards me even when I was pulling away, He called out to me and blessed me abundantly. I was really worried about the exams because I spent recess week in the hospital, and I couldn't catch a break to study because of all the visitors and tests and checkups. But my exam results came back and I did really really well. Even though it didn't meet my personal expectations because I'm such a grade grubber, I know that it would've been impossible to reach those grades if not for my amazing group mates and all the prayers I've received. This was the first time I had so many people praying for me when I sat for papers. Pwong also WA me on NYE to tell me about my results and how well I did so yay!!! *_* I do seek validation from profs, judge la judge judge judge.

Besides my grades, when I first got admitted to the hospital the staff was in complete shock that I walked in to the A&E all by myself. With my bloodcount I should've been dead. But God kept me safe all through the sem even when walking from the admin block to the UiD I felt like death. I never once fainted, never really had much pain, never had any headaches. It was only God's grace that could keep my body functioning when I stubbornly refused medical attention. Also, He really eased me in for the cancer. I was really prepared and chill about it all. Might be my take on death, coming from the girl that's always whining rapture already, life is so tough.

I don't know why people fear death so much, especially Christians. We all have to die one day, it's only a matter of when. And the amazing peace comes with the knowledge that in life and in death, we are in God's hands. He is still the author of our lives, still our Saviour, still our God. We are constantly trapped and tortured by a timeline, always rushing against deadlines of our own. Need to get married by xx. Need to get a job by xx. Need to get my own apartment by xx. I'm already xx what am I doing with my life? And so often we fear judgment because we sin all the time, so we always think, if I repent on my deathbed does it count? But all times, ALL TIMES are present to God. He exists outside a timeline. This is where amazing grace steps in, when Christ stands in front of us before God, and through Him God sees we are pure. Not because we are, but because Christ is standing before us. It's not that I'm giving in to the cancer. I dare not say what God's will was for me because how can you be so confident in that? I had parents praying for me God, we know this is not Your will. But if it wasn't, how could it have happened? God is sovereign in ALL circumstances. Just because we don't like the situation does not mean God did not will it. Just because it makes us uncomfortable about our own understanding of God doesn't mean it isn't Him. Humans see sickness as a problem, as a bad thing, as punishment sometimes. But our soul is forever kept in God and isn't that what believing in God truly means? Knowing that no matter the trials, we have faith in our God. I know seeing a 22-year-old go through cancer and chemotherapy makes many people antsy and question what God is doing. But honestly, if you take a look at the characters in the bible, the faithful suffer. Not saying that I am faithful and I'm a good biblical example, not at all. But being a christian truly means taking up the cross, whatever your cross may be, and following God. We don't know what our cross would be. We don't know what our trials would be. We don't know what our life is supposed to be like at all. But we are supposed to take up our cross and follow Christ. In every circumstance, in every mood, in every day. So I am grateful for God's grace and mercy towards me. Anyway, I believe that God will give you hints that only you (or maybe others as well, but definitely you) will receive. And so far, I don't feel like this cancer is going to kill me. So thank God.

And of course, I am so glad to be able to attend watchnight! And that Waichan is back!!!!!! And that I got to see the sister and jiemin and letti and soon my melonhead. The international kids are back <3 even if for just a little while. The first day of the new year hasn't been very kind towards me. Skin is at its worst, first time I experienced nausea and I puked all my lunch out. It doesn't feel good at all. I only accept cereal now. And marshmallows. Luckycharms best. Thank you very much. These are the photos from watchnight because TRADITION and they all make me sooooooo happy because we are all so weird together. Love you, COGY.

We tried calling alllllllll the pizza places but all engaged, so this is us coping with hunger waiting for dominos. Try calling for delivery at 7pm on NYE. We not veh smart.