I'm typing this post with gloves on because my nails are shifting and cutting into my skin AGAIN. Well, not again, bur it's progressed from the toes to the fingers. And my fingers are so so so dry they can actually bleed from the cracks. The skin is so thin it can easily tear. My nails are discoloured too. And even with the gloves my fingers are freezing. My scalp hurts so bad, I just got out of the worst shower of my life. How do you shampoo your hair when you can't even bear to move it. Moving a single strand shoots pain right up my head. Putting on a t-shirt hurts so bloody badly and I can't wear shirts with big holes in the head because the stitches from my portacath insertion STILL HASN'T HEALED and my chest is filled with rashes from idk when or where. I'll only do buttons from now on. Shirt up fo life. And even with a hoodie I am freezing. UNIQLO IS LOVE, UNIQLO IS LIFE. Got a bunch of long cotton pj pants and hoodies to keep me warm ('A' for effort), unfortunately they've run out of gloves so I'm wearing my really cui ones from my secondary school ice skating days lololol. My face hurts like hell fire. My toe's all bruised from the nail nonsense. My entire body is dry no matter how much water I drink, how much I moisturise, how much I sayang it with a full-body cotton armour. Had the stomachaches come back again, was so worried I'd puke on the table at today's scan. Also the ulcers are back and I can feel it in my throat. Tauhuay please.
I don't mean to bitch so much. But EVERYTHING hurts.
But I've still got joy joy joy joy down in my heart. Rly I do, so don't worry about me k.
Scanning day today! I've been looking forward to this day since the start of chemo because it means I'm halfway done with chemo, and after the scan I can see what my suffering the side effects have produced. I'll only know the results on Monday, though, so keep me in prayer! As usual, I got so many 你那么年轻，你来检查干嘛. Don't ask leh, every time I answer with the truth people get so awkward and they don't know how to respond. Don't ask questions if you can't handle the answers yahhhhhh. I bonded with this ahpek in the waiting room and he was telling me about his kids and his grandkids and all. Got a bit sad when I had to leave. Me, idk about him. lol. Anyway, really really really thank God that I happen to be 政府人 because the medical benefits are SO helpful. Haven't had any appetite the whole day which sucks because I'm so hungry but I can't stand the sight of food. And even before I got sick my stomach how angmoh one (with the exception of sashimi and xlbs and currychickennnnnn). It's not helping that the mothership sees me as this sickling, constantly shoving sick people food in my face. Steamed fish, soup, every meal must have soup. And rice. I hate rice. I'm not a 饭桶 despite what my ahma says. I am 面包超人. I can't wait to be with the friends so I can eat like beast again. Where my cow at. Gimme ma cow even if it has to be well-done. But really, the sight of chinese food makes me so sick I literally vomited everything. The only thing that keeps me happy and full now are luckycharms but the mothership just tossed the marshmallows in water to prove to me that they have colouring. WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT???? Sigh sigh sigh I need to be zen for my own sake. I really miss my sashimi friends. One's in the states, the other is in korea forever. Come home soon, my makan kakis. You get me, you rly get me <3 Low quality photos of quality kids ahead.
the awkward moment where idk if I should wear their slippers or not. i finally started using snapchat again and OMG JESKA YOU DAMN FUNNY you have no idea how many times i burst out laughing in the waiting room, ahpek kept peering over to see what was so funny.
nurse: is your vein thin or thick?
cmm: very very thing
nurse: huh! ahyo. ok. you make me very stress.
*goes to retrieve a thin needle*
nurse: you are a real challenge for me today. ahyo. ok.
*looks at my other arm*
nurse: got vein? don't have.
I realise how skilled the cancer nurses are. Seriously, nobody but the nurses at the cancer centre can detect and inject me smoothly. I rmb when I first went to get my blood taken at the centre I warned the nurses the nurses always cannot find my vein and they replied don't worry everyone here has very thin veins. power to cancer nurses (Y)
i damn scaly. one step closer to being a fire-breathing dragon yah? see the blood on ma finger T_T also, nails have stopped growing. they just, shift. ma de.
went to find my baby whales because it takes me DAMN LONG to get ready now so once i'm out i'm milking it. mg thinks she's a dog, she cannot stop crawling around barking. she is me.
this bbg also wants to be a dog. just because jie jie is. even though jie jie is siao.
she kept singing good morning mommy, good morning megan, good morning germaine. when i pointed to myself she went good morning grandma. thankew kg.
diz the firstborn
the bunny sheryl. she's the only one who loves books <3 ma sweetheart.
siaozharbohs
i gotta give up my chio pill box for this super ahpek one because TOO MANY PILLS WTH. veh ugly i cannot take it. eh, aesthetics matter ok. now this ahpek one has a huge WTF.
Anyway, been receiving lots of love from old friends and I'm super grateful for that. Can't wait to be better and share buckets of beer with you and talk about life and how far we've come since our polkadot days. Love you guys very much. We're much older, maybe a bit wiser, but still we can gum <3 and I appreciate all the lovely messages and encouraging notes from you all. You've been very very sweet. Thank you (: you know who you are <3
Typed the whole post with gloves. LEVEL UP LOH. Stay healthy and joyful, everybardeh!